How Will Children React to Losing a Pet? A Guide for Parents

Photo by Sabina Fratila on Unsplash

Grief impacts every child differently, just as it does every adult.  There are, however, some differences relating specifically to age groups.

AGE 2-4: This age group don’t understand that death is permanent.  They tend to see death as reversible and may be starting to wonder if death happens to everyone. Common signs children of this age may show grief through crying, irregular sleep, regressive behaviour, telling the story to anyone, even strangers, clinginess and irritability.

AGE 5-8: Concrete thinkers, this age group are exploring their independence; however may still think along lines of fantasy or magic. They often still see death as reversible, may readily blame themselves and worry they may have somehow caused the death. Common signs exhibited by this age group include disrupted sleep and nightmares, repetitive questions (how, why, etc), short periods of very strong reactions, regressive behaviours, behaviour changes and physical complaints.

AGE 9-12: This age group vary between concrete thinkers and those beginning to understand abstract ideas such as death and grief.  They often form closer connections with friends. They understand death is permanent and have started to understand the long-term impact on themselves.  Feelings of guilt or regret can lead them to have concerns that their thoughts or actions may have led to the death. Common signs include anxiety and safety of self, difficulty concentrating, nightmares, physical complaints, a wide range of emotions, hypervigilance, withdrawal from social situations, and detailed questions about death and dying.

AGE 13-18: Teens understand and process abstract concepts about life and death.  They can be going through significant changes in priorities, faith, sexuality, and physical appearance.  Support is often sought outside the family. Common signs include withdrawal, increased risk-taking, including drugs/alcohol and partaking in unsafe behaviours, difficulty sleeping, inappetence or gorging, unpredictable emotional responses, hypervigilance, fear of death, worry of self, confusion of identity, and discomfort discussing death.  Some have thoughts of suicide and self-harm.

Ways to help children obviously vary across age groups; however, there are several similarities across all age groups.  Use concrete language such as died or death rather than passed away or gone.  Allow them to ask questions and express feelings, and always answer questions truthfully.  Maintain routines. Adjust expectations for concentration and task completion.

It is critical to understand that children, particularly younger children, can merge in and out of grief.  One minute they can seem intensely sad, the next they may be playing happily.  This is a coping mechanism, and it’s important not to judge the child as being unaffected.

If you'd like support navigating pet loss for children in Australia, Contact Crossing Rainbow Bridge - we're here to help.